Tag Archives: because I am a mom

May 12, 2017 · 4:18 pm

Keeper of the Flame

This poem I wrote for my friend.  A friend who shared with me a most beautiful love letter.  A friend who has lost so much.  A friend I love.

I think of my mother so much this time of year, and this is so true for her too and I thought of her too, very much, when I wrote it.  Happy Mother’s Day mom.  I sure love you!

Keeper of the Flame

I’m the keeper of the flame, your flame, you left it here in me

So in your great big steps before, like you, I’ll try to be

You’ve been gone so long it feels, and yet moments only it seems

But you visit me, you whisper to me, and I feel you in my dreams

 

It’s hard to make the world remember, and I worry they will forget

and how am I to share your stories with those, you never met?

I try so hard and sometimes fail the flame it flickers black

Then I stoke it with your love, and mine, and the flame comes quickly back

 

Often in my quiet moments the flame it burns so strong

So I hide, and hover, tears on my cheeks, knowing I must be strong

For to your ash I cannot turn, for others still need me

And all this need I have for you, is that not what God did see?

 

But I tuck your flame in close to my heart and weather the angry storm

For it’s there I need your warmth the most, It’s there the flame was born

You passed to me a love so great and gave the best pieces of you

I’m thankful for those, and the flame I bear, but I miss you and it’s heavy too

 

Now I’m left reflecting on this very flame and the legacy left behind

The obligation you left for me, although it sometimes feels unkind

I know I’m left to share your tales and help our family to see

The fire that you left behind will always burn in me

 

I hope your heart swells with joy, my gift to you each day

That I share with others when I can, the kindness you gave away

I hope you feel proud of who I’ve become since you left your fire with me

You walked here first, I follow now, like you I hope to be

 

I’m the keeper of the flame, your flame, I’ll keep it burning bright

For you, for them, and too often now because I need your light

My love for you will never go out and all will know your name

Because for you, I now know my place, I’m the keeper of the flame

 

 

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May 8, 2017 · 11:00 am

2 Day Beach Body Plan

This isn’t the place you would normally turn for exercise tips and advice, but I have a 2 day beach body plan for happiness to share..and it’s a goody!

I embarked on this journey with upcoming beach plans and I decided to spend 2 weeks doing all things healthy in preparation.  I was so successful that I was able to condense the entire 2 week plan into just 2 days.  That’s right folks…2 days.

At the end of day 2 I realized something.  I wasn’t happy.  I was grumpy to my kids and my husband and I just wasn’t in a good spot. After only 2 days of this.  I can’t imagine what it would be like if that was my everyday.  How very hard.  I applaud those that are able to do so.

For me, I realize it is just as much about mental health as it is about physical health and it is just as big of a deal.  I read something the other day, author unknown, that made me laugh.  It said…”How to have a beach body… 1-Have a body 2- Go to the beach”

I’m going people…just as I am.

A couple of years ago I posted this article Getting Older in a Swimming Suit. Since that day I have done exactly what I said I would. I eat well (most of the time), I exercise, and I am strong.  I have completed an Ironman 70.3, 2 half marathons, many team relays, completed T25 all the way through,  I tried crossfit once, a full marathon, and literally climbed mountains. I can run up Guardsman’s Pass without walking (well I could probably walk faster than I ran but you get it).  Have I changed physically….probably…does it show in my jeans….no…no it doesn’t but here is the real kicker…. The most recent half marathon that I ran I also ran over 11 years ago.  In the best physical shape of my life.  I was a mental wreck however trying to get back on my own two feet.  What happened, I beat my time this year from when I ran 11 years ago.  I’m faster.  Can you believe that?  It’s because I am healthier, mentally and physically. I have a strong support system and I am happy and content just where I am.  I have a super strong beach body with plenty of nourishment to make sure I can live for a good week without food (or more probably). I enjoyed the run more too.  I actually had fun.  Last time, I felt miserable the whole time.

 It only took me 2 days to realize that the body I have is exactly the body I want to take with me.  I want to feel joy and be happy everyday, all day.  Not just when I am in a swimming suit at the beach or posting photos of myself online.  I don’t actually want to be super fit and in shape if it also comes with stress and anxiety that takes away from my joy.

So if you need a little support in loving yourself just as you are, or in allowing yourself to stop the stringent diet and exercise plan you are doing…I’m here.  I can be that for you.  My 2 day beach body plan for happiness is just what you need.  Eat well, exercise, enjoy the little things and in the end…it will all be okay. Many conversations with friends and family who feel just this way, and their encouragement for me to write this down is what brought me to this point.

As Audrey Hepburn said, “The happiest girls are the prettiest.”

Did I fail at a 2 week challenge?  No..I just did so well I completed it into 2 days.  I can do hard things like that.

I have a body…I’ll go to the beach!

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January 17, 2017 · 1:50 pm

Cheers to the Mommas

Okay all you Mommas out there..or you lucky Stay at home daddy’s, grab a glass of wine or a bottle of Dr. Pepper..whatever it is that makes you relax and feel like a real adult and get ready.  Anytime I write/say the word cheers…take a drink.  Hopefully by the end you feel just a little better and more relaxed so here we go.

Wait..you are at work?  That’s okay…I’ll wait.  YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

–To all the poop.  The poop in the diapers, the poop on the floor, the poop in the potty (Yeah!!!) that you then have to still wipe the poopy butt, and the poop near the toilet because they almost made it (I’m so proud of you) to the even the dog poop you step in because we love those furry critters too.  Oh and the pre-poop.  If you have a little boy you know, the air that passes before the poop (and after the poop and during the poop) and the laughter that ensues and the smell that follows. I don’t even have time to talk about pee or all of the talk about poop.  Cheers…..

–To no sleep.  I mean who needs that afterall.  What I want most in the world is to be woken up three times a night because of scary puppies, sore legs, itchy ears, dry throats, sweaty heads, and stolen blankets.  Really…(Okay I do love them, I know these moments will pass but for the love of it all I just need a good nights sleep).  And when it’s time to go to bed, what I really want to do is get water because that H2O doesn’t fetch itself.  and that wanted doll..conveniently its always the one playing hide and go seek at bed time. And the questions..ugh the questions.  They hate me….they really do.  Cheers….

-To laughing. At their cute little stinking parasite faces.  To the funny things they say and the joy that they really do bring.  To the puddle jumping and the kitchen dancing.  To the fact that by their actual birth existence I actually have to watch the amount of laughter that ensues or make sure I use the bathroom 2194 times a day.  But they are funny.  Really, really funny.  I mean the knock knock jokes alone that make absolutely no sense but that they laugh and are so proud of is just about enough for me to call my entire life and parenting a success.  To laughing…poop covered so tired laughing.  Cheers…..

-To the Working Mommas. Whether you drop your kiddos off and head out to work, or work from home as a mom or with another job…that’s super multitasking ladies.  No matter which option you choose they are all hard.  You are Incredible.  In case you don’t hear it enough.  Go you!  So Proud!  To the juggling kids and jobs, deadlines and playdates, practices and meetings.  Hip Hip Hooray!  Cheers. 

–To no means no.  But actually it doesn’t.  Apparently it means “mom please” or “in a minute”. Maybe it even means yes and we don’t even know it.  I’m not even sure what it means any more, but I think it means something between “Yes” and “You’re saying there is a chance.  Cheers….

–To not being the yelling mom.  Nobody wants to be the mom that yells at their kids.  We all want to have a happy holistic approach to life.  We want them to grow up mentally sane and equal.  No therapy needed for my kid kind of life, but lets be honest.  There is only so many times you can say “please pick that up” before the voice eventually escalates to a level they actually hear.  Often times for me, it when I am laying on the floor after I have tripped over something.  I’ll try again next time not to be the yelling mom.  I’m sure they will hear me when I speak to them.  Or if I just take the time to put my hands on their cheeks so they can look me in the eye as they are cartwheeling past me at mock 2.  That’s when I will catch them.  Next time….I own this.   Cheers…

Refill your glass….Not you?!?  hmmm…maybe a Cheers for being awesome then…now refill your glass.

–To your bad ass dance skills.  You know you got ’em.  Or at least those tiny side kicks think you do.  Isn’t it the best ever when you are dancing and you see them doing what you do.  Then you laugh in your head and sometimes out-loud because you don’t have the heart to tell them to stop practicing that because it will never…ever….be acceptable in public.  nah….bust a move baby!   Cheers

–To Story Time.  We all know it’s good for our kids and we do it.  That alone deserves a great big huge pat on the back.  Because if I am being honest, would I rather be reading llama llama or the newest Lisa Gardner I would be lying if I said it wasn’t Llama Llama with those cute faces..actually now I am lying it’s absolutely Lisa Gardner.  But I do it.  Because one day I want those big growing minds to grow up and read Lisa Gardner and then we can talk about it because I know in the future they are going to want to talk to me every single day about the books we read the night before.  Bammm….  Cheers.

–To not swearing.  We are raising tiny humans and trying to teach them to become respectable adults.  But let’s be honest.  We all swear inside our teeny tiny heads every day and let them roll around in there for good measure.  If you don’t..I need a dollop of your patience….Cheers.

-To Books and Netflix.  The tiny escape that keeps your mind thinking.  Thank you text-to-speech on my kindle so I can move with my book from reading to listening in my car.  If only Netflix would default to my profile and remove that one extra click from the kids profile…is that too much to ask?  Cheers..

-To the health of it all. post here…where it all began. To the Netflix and treadmill or making time for yourself.  For understanding that your health is important to and for me, knowing when I make it happen I am an even better mom.  Referring to this  To the mom’s that make that time that still do that.  Your mental state means so much, and also helps you deserve this….Cheers. 

–To Politics.  I don’t have time to even begin. You can’t fix stupid…and you know right now each side equally thinks the other side is stupid.  Agree to disagree and go about being a good human.   Cheers…Cheers….Cheers.  (need to refill after that..I know we all feel it)

In fact now might be a good time to just grab a straw and the bottle.

–To personal space…Or no personal space actually.  To tiny minions in our back pockets.  To knowing there is not a single solitary space in your entire house that is just yours.  You can maybe slip in a closet or the bathroom for a moment, but you realize what a dream it is when you place your hand on the bathroom counter right into the middle of a big blob of kid toothpaste (Or your makeup that they were “trying” on without your permission).  They know the contents of your purse, your bedside drawers, your closets….They are like teeny tiny little spys.  You have no personal space.  Just get used to it.  Cheers….

–To Amazon. I am all for the support of shop local, but if I can choose not drag the kids out to the store I’m all for the that.  Plus if I can purchase now rather than trying to remember to write it on the store list that I may or may not leave on the kitchen counter when I actually go to the store that’s another one.  Also I remember years ago discussion about the lack of mail being sent because of the introduction to email so the USPS was about to go out of business.. Amazon pretty much saved them. My sister works for the USPS so I feel I am supporting her. Using that as an excuse.  Cheers..

–To the joy.  The pure and utter joy that the tiny humans bring.  The deliriously happy joy.  The heart full of gratitude that they are yours.  The overwhelming pride in every teeny tiny body fiber that calls out…Thank you.  Cheers to the little people!

–To good friends. The friends and sisters that have already heard this and agree.  To friends who don’t judge.  To friends who come over when your in your pajamas and you don’t even feel under dressed.  Cheers….   Double Cheers….Cheers... to the friends who don’t have kids or have older kids and still let you come over with yours.  Who play with them and love them because they love you.  Thanks for those friends.  Cheers… Now buy them a bottle or a six pack and take it over and drink it with them.

-To the partners.  The awesome amazing partner who work their butts off to provide for the family.  To the true partners who know just how hard you work too and they lighten the load.  They go to the store, they help clean the house, and they pour you that much needed glass of wine.  Finish that bottle for them…Cheers!!

Bottoms Up! 

I bet you are feeling a little more relaxed about right now aren’t you.  Really we are all in this together.  Nobody is perfect.  “Aint nobody got time for that.”

Feel free to open another…you deserve it!

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May 8, 2016 · 1:16 pm

Mother

It’s a dreary rainy day outside today.  So instead of being out adventuring we are inside finding things to do.  It makes me anxious.  It makes me miss my mom.  It makes me think about all of the Mother’s Days over all of the years and wonder…do I need her more today than I did before?  Is there a time that our needs lessen or do they just change.

As a child we are unaware of just how much we “need” our mother.  We take advantage of everything just being there when we want it to be.  We don’t realize the sacrifices made.  Yet we need them.  Every day we need them.  For the very most basic life-giving things, we need our mother.  IMG_3528

As a teenager we start to feel more independent.  Like we are actually an adult.  We act as if we know it all and we feel invincible.  We start to act as if we don’t need our mother.  As if we just love them but can make it.  And then, a small act of unkindness and we run filled with tears and fury to the one place that is always consistent, always there.  We need our mother.  Those feel like great big huge needs and they overshadow all of the adult actions we thought we were making.  scan0096

Then off to college.  We are on our own.  Truly.  Our basic needs every day, we take care of ourselves.  We don’t rely upon our mothers for life-sustaining needs.  At least not as we did before.  We are growing up. We are making our way in the world.  And yet, in the quite recesses of our minds when we make the big mistakes, the wrong choices, and even when we do something great or make the right choice, there is our mother in the back of our minds…cheering us on whether good or bad, moving us forward with love.  And again we run to her, in need of our mother.  Still not yet understanding how great her place is in our lives. scan0093

Then we are married.  We call our mom daily for advice.  Our girlfriends seem  to drift ever so slightly away and the calls to them turn, more to our mother than to our social group.  We find that being an adult is not what we thought it was in our teenage years.  We realize that all of those things we thought we could do, so independently are sometimes actually very hard.  In those moments we turn again to our Mother for love and support.  For the whispering of confidence and the outpouring of support.  We start to wonder if maybe she hid her fears and worry.  mwed

And then…It happens…We become a mother.  It is now that we truly understand.  It is now that we thank our mother with a true and honest form of gratitude that brings tears to our eyes and heartbreak to our soul.  Why did we not see this before and tell her everyday all along the way?  So we try to make up for it.  And in every action of our own for our children we see her.  We feel her.  We need her.  We are learning and she did it perfectly so it is to her advice we turn. It is to her we learn.  Our Mother. 100_1239

My story changes here.  I had just begun to tell my mother how much I appreciated her.  I had just begun to understand.  I had only started to say Thank you.  The true thank you from the bottom of my soul kind of thank you that she deserved.  I had only begun.  I had just started learning.  Learning how to care for tiny people.  Care for those people the way my  mother did for me, long before I could even remember.  I needed her so.  I needed her to help me bring my sidekick #2 into the world and I needed her there to teach me.  To help me learn to raise these little ones to be great, kind, loving big ones one day.  I need my mother.  I need her so much sometimes that I feel her void like an angry volcano in my soul.   IMG_3594

And then I wonder, as I watch those I love around me.  What will I do when I am older, my kids are all grown and the house is quiet.  I will surely need my mother then.  I will need her to help me fill the silence. I will need her there to share my love with.  I will need her to have the conversations and to help make sure my dress is just right when my sidekicks are walking down the aisle.  I will need her there to share tears of joy when grand-babies come to play.  I will need her then too.  If I had her then, I would have great big years of memories and won’t those memories just add to my love? Or do they add to the heartache and the missing of our Mother later in life?

I think it is this…we need our Mother.  No matter the stage of our life,of the time we got to spend.  We need our Mother from day one to our very last day.  Mother.

I wish I could tell you today just how thankful I am for you. I wish I could tell you that I see the sacrifices that you made me for me.  I wish I could thank you for all of the fibs you told me just to help keep me happy in a world that is so cruel.  I wish I could tell you I’m doing it right. I think I have this Mothering thing down….most days.  I wish I could tell you just how much you taught me.  I wish I could tell you that I want to be just like you and I’m trying.  I am trying really hard everyday to do just that.  You did good Mom.  You were the very best and I am so thankful for you.  I need you today. I hope you know that.  I need you every single day.

I love you!  Happy Mother’s Day (and Birthday soon!)gscan0115

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January 15, 2016 · 2:29 pm

The Snow Shoveling/Exercise Balance

Piles and piles of snow.  That is what we currently have.

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This leads to the following question…

“At what point does shoveling snow count as exercise?”

So I ask you…Is there a line?

For example…

Does one actually have to be the one shoveling the snow? (cause that looks like a lot of work)

And if sweating is a requirement…

Can one instead be in a hot tub with a Bloody Mary watching another someone shovel the snow and it still count?

Asking for a friend….who clearly needs a vacation…on a beach…with a Pina Colada…

I’ll tell her to do that…and maybe some yoga.

Thanks Guys!

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January 3, 2016 · 8:41 pm

Dreaming of Beauty…

I look up to the woman before me. With wide eyes I see such beauty.  Her textured hands full of beauty and grace, the small black watch fitted over elegant lifted wrist bones. She smiles at me and it reaches her eyes.  The wrinkles in perfect form on either side of her mouth.  She laughs and it fills my soul. I know behind that laugh is beauty.  It is strength.  It is long searched for and missed in its absence.  It’s her eyes though.  The beauty and strength that show in each and every burst of bright wide blue light.  The presence of love in every tiny pixel.

It’s her hair.  Fixed or unkempt but her color makes me feel joy.  Even when the roots grow a little long, I don’t see them, I just see her and just how she wishes her hair looked every single day.  She has the perfect figure.  It’s soft at times but her hugs are magic.  Healing…happy..wonder. She is class.  She’s beautiful.  Like a magic star in a unicorn sky.  She…the most beautiful woman in the world.  One day…I hope..I pray…I wish…I believe…I can be just like her.

How I feel about my Momma.

How my daughter feels about me.

Genetics are strong…so is love….

Why doesn’t our vision stay the same, unmasked, untainted when focused inward?

Hoping to see what my daughter sees…for me…for my mom…for my daughter…to show her that today and always she is beautiful. A magic star in a unicorn sky.

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November 23, 2015 · 8:21 pm

With Thanks

With Thanksgiving on the horizon I have been making a conscious effort to feel and think all of the many things that I am thankful for.  There are so many things to be thankful for.

I recently heard for the first time a song by Jewel that says:

I am my father’s daughter, he has his mother’s eyes
I am the product of such sacrifice
I am the accumulation
of the dreams of generations
And their stories run in me, like Holy Water
I am my father’s daughter

View Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GK8oI4Dx8DY

I have had a very hard year.  A year where I found one man standing.  One man, only one human being on this planet that can look me in the eye and say, “I’m glad you are mine.”  I had so many before.  So many that I felt their force so strongly in my life.  A life energy that kept me pressing on to do and be a better person.  It feels quite lonely knowing that now, there is only one.  (even though he is a mighty man and I am so blessed)

And in the loss I have searched for and have found joy.  Sometimes in the places that I least expected it, and sometimes I found it missing in those I would have thought I would surely find it.  I’m learning everyday.  Learning how much it matters to make an active positive impact on others.

Today I am overwhelmingly thankful for those who have done that for me.  The people in my life that make me feel home and connected.  I now have my very own tree with very strong roots. I am thankful for those roots, still present, still strong.  Some living their lives so wonderfully that they bring life and energy to them all.  I am thankful for the roots at the base of our family tree.  Both from my side and my better other half.

I have a very good man to help build the tree and hold it steadfast and strong.  We are solid and strong, connected in support, love and trust. My heart is overwhelmed with thanks.

And my sidekicks, those branches, I’m watching them grow. So amazing. Such joy! I am so thankful.

Sometimes, In the strongest of winds, we will bend ever so slightly in need and find ourselves, our tree, being supported and secured by the family trees around us, that branch from our same roots. Together our trees are strong, together we are a forest.  I am thankful for them too.

I am thankful for the sun, and the water.  That feeds and nourishes our forest and our souls. I am thankful for God and his blessings.

With all of this to be thankful for and so much more, I take moments to listen to the air around me, the whispers in the wind, the stories in my veins and I can’t help but feel, if only I could hear the right wavelengths, there would be voices all around me saying, “I’m so glad your mine, go and do good things, bring joy to others, and share my stories(love),” and maybe, just maybe, the feather touch of my momma’s hand on my cheek as leaves from my tree.

I’m thankful for my family every day, and in special gratitude, an active awareness and action on Thanksgiving Day I am thankful for my Forest!

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October 26, 2015 · 8:57 pm

Dreaming….

I have been showing homes lately as I have recently branched out in Real Estate.  As I am walking homes, I can’t help but imagine myself and my family there as well.  Sometimes I see certain features and think how great it would be to have that in my own home, or what about just a little more space.

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I come home though and feel incredibly grateful for the little things.  The comforts, the garage, the sounds,the smells and the familiar pattern that the little feet take and the equally familiar messes that those little feet make.

A few weeks ago I read another blog that talked about a dream home. I wish I could remember where it was to share it here, but she gave some good advice, she said, “Ask you kids, your family, what they love most about their home.”  I had a feeling that when I asked that question I would find that deep down inside I feel the same way.

I did it anyway.  It felt really good to listen to their sweet answers.  They love our home.  Just the way it is.  These little people don’t wish for a single thing more than just what they have.  How blessed…

“I like the stars on my ceiling”

“I like my toys here where you are”

“I like riding my bike outside”

“I like playing games at the table”

“I like eating too”

and some silly things like, “I like that door”, “I like this wall,” “I like my blanket,” “I like my bear,” and “I like our windows”  even though I like those things too.

I realized that these tiny ones are content just where they are.  They get it.  Already…when do so many of us lose this?  They understand right now what is most important-family.  They understand that being together and the small comforts are really all that matter.

They don’t need big crazy things…we may think they do just because they want it.  We may think that it matters so they are comfortable at school and have what their friends have, but I am coming to find with a girl in Kindergarten, they are stronger, more independent and damn smarter than we think they are.  They get this whole big world sometimes better than we do.

I think I am going to take this into daily life.  Whenever I think I need to do or be more, I am going to ask my small ones.  They will keep me grounded.  They will further support my own conclusions that I am pretty lucky and life is good.

You should try it…ask your kiddos what they love most about your home and be prepared to feel overwhelmingly grateful!

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August 24, 2015 · 9:27 pm

Kindergarten Eve

Tomorrow is a very big day.  This is the day that my first-born child will start Kindergarten.  It is monumental.  I am so proud of her, so excited and so utterly terrified all at the same time.  Tonight I sit and think about all of the moments in life.  All of the things I have taught her, or hoped to before she started school and I am faced with the feeling of complete and utter inadequacy.  I can only hope that many other parents have also felt this way.  I hope I am not alone.

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I think of all the things I have hoped to teach her .

I hope she loves herself most of all.  I hope she has enough love and enough confidence that she will be strong and happy against all odds.  I hope she will always see her worth and value.

I hope she knows that I love her. I hope she knows I am proud of her and on her side no matter what.  I hope she always talks to me about things the way she does now.  I Hope she will trust me as I do her and that this will never change.

I hope she keeps that personality that makes her so uniquely her.  She is so fun and so genuine and so full of life.  I hope that never changes and that she keeps that piece of her and that she doesn’t conform and become a part…too much.

I hope she is happy. Everyday I hope she feels more joy than any other feeling.

I hope she minds her manners and always shows respect.  I hope she remembers these lessons.  I also sit here hoping that maybe some of these manners and lessons that I have tried to undo over the last couple of weeks also stick.  You know like…always say excuse me when you fart…changes now as you see your child going out into the world to…only say excuse me if others can hear it and know it will be you.

I hope she doesn’t get teased.  Please oh please let them be nice to my baby.

I hope she doesn’t cry.  She is so sweet and so kind and I don’t want her to feel broken.  I want her to feel amazing and wonderful, because she is exactly that.  Amazing and Wonderful!

I hope she succeeds and learns so much. I hope she loves school and wants to go back every single day.  I hope she thrives and grows and becomes an even more amazing and wonderful contributing human being.

I hope she makes friends.  Good friends.  The kind that stick.

I hope she misses me a little.  I hope she thinks of our time together with fondness. I hope she remembers the good things we did together and not all of the moments that I wish I could change.  I hope she is happy with our time and doesn’t feel shortchanged.  In these moments I wish I would have spent more time, done more things, or been more.  But I still remember (because I promised myself I would) that in those moments I was doing the best I could at that time.  Tomorrow I can try better.

I hope she is kind to others and is the one who helps build another up. I hope she shares and makes others laugh because that is what I see in her. That is what I know she can be.

I hope I prepared her for the world.  It starts tomorrow.  So young.  All the lessons I taught her and hoped to prepare her for I realize tonight I did not.  There are too many that a mom can’t teach.  We can’t teach them all of the lessons because we don’t feel the way others in the world feel about our child.  We love too much.

I just hope she holds onto that confidence and that love and remembers tomorrow when she is just a small girl in a great big world that she matters.  Her spirit is big.  Her heart is fierce.  She is Amazing and Wonderful and she can do hard things.

Be kind to my girl big world.  Her momma loves her so.

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July 7, 2015 · 11:21 pm

Adventurer in Pearls

Today while driving Sidekick 1 asked me this question, “Why is God taking all of our people right now?”  I didn’t know how to answer her.  It made me feel very sad.  I don’t like posting all things gloom and doom but it has been a very rough month at our house.  We are currently in the process of sending one more very lovely lady to Heaven.  It’s hard not to ask why God is taking all of our people right now.  It’s hard not wonder if there is something that I have done wrong.  It is hard not to question my own strength.  It is even more difficult to watch the ones still here with me grieving and struggling.  The hardest part..is watching others suffer and not being able to help them.

I am personally thankful for all of the time I have been able to spend.  All of the lessons I have been able to learn.  Thankful for the memories, the stories and the time.  The greatest of generations is moving on.  What lessons can we take with us? What can we learn from them to make a better tomorrow?

I just keep thinking of my time spent, and I am so thankful that I spent time with loved ones, eyes open, heart open, and embracing the moments.

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This grandma of mine has come to me through marriage.  She is the one and only that I got to meet in my time as a Boxall.  She has brought so much into my life and I feel blessed to call her mine.  She is a woman of grace.  A woman of class.  She is the woman who when I was young I would have looked up to in awe. I still look up to her in awe and hope that some day I can have just a smidgen of her in me.

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She was always presentable. She woke each morning and dressed in fashionable clothes.  She kept up with times and ensured she dressed it.  She always had jewelry on and most often a scarf.  Nice shoes and perfectly curled hair. If you really paid attention you could smell her fragrance, always clean, always floral.  Her nails and hair were done weekly and it showed.  She was beautiful, stunning, a woman through and through. Even my sidekick could see it.

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She had presence and beauty.  She stood and walked tall.  When she entered a room you saw her.  Beauty and grace.

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I loved sitting with her.  She loved having the kids come to her place.  She always complained that it was too small, and she wanted more room. What she would do with more room, I have no idea, but she always wanted it.  I think it was because she was accustomed to things and liked them that way.

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She loved having the kids come and play.  She loved to hear their chatter.  She always thought they were the smartest and “so advanced” for their age.  She loved watching them dance and play.  I love how proud she was of my children.  My children were proud of her too.  They love her.  They loved to visit and spend time in her tiny place.  They loved drawing her pictures on post-it’s.  You would think grandma thought they belonged in a museum the praise she gave them.  I am surprised they didn’t end up on her wall.  She had a talent for displaying items as art.

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An example…In her room there was displayed a cow bell.  I loved having her tell this story because she would laugh the whole way through. On the night of her wedding their friends took them out for night.  They lived in Yuma, AZ so they were close to the border in Mexico.  They spent much of the night across the border.  She said she danced and had fun but her husband was anxious to get home.  She too, but in her story it was always her husband who was begging to go.  They were kept out the entire night by friends.  She said when they got back home to bed the next morning they laid in bed and found themselves itching.  Their friends had put some powder in the bed that made them itch, so they decided to turn the mattress over.  Upon turning over the mattress they found a cowbell had been securely fastened to the springs in their bed.  She goes on to tell how difficult it was for her husband to get the cowbell off of the bed because it was wired on tight.  She laughs and laughs.  Hanging in her room still to the day is the cowbell and the memory of the wedding night to the love of her life.  I love that sass, that charm.

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As fancy as she was she always knew how to enjoy a party.  She loved her Chardonnay.  She also loved beautiful old music. She was funny.  She would make jokes and razz people.  She always made me laugh.  One night when we went to visit and sat to have a talk, she tapped the top of her knees and said, “It’s a girl party, now what should we ladies talk about.”

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She had a beautiful home surrounded in my favorite things…real leather bound books.  They were so beautiful and she was so proud of them.  This is just one way we were kindred spirits.  I spent a lot of time with her one week when I went up to check in on her when her daughter was on vacation and we talked about those books in length.  She showed me her favorite and even offered for me to borrow them.  That was a sure sign of trust.  I didn’t, as I knew the love she had for them, but the honor I felt that she would have let me take one of her precious books was something I will never forget.  She told me so many stories that week. I wish I would have written them all down but I was too busy laughing.

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She was a top realtor in the state of Idaho.  She worked hard and was really good at her job.  She loved it and wasn’t ready to retire. Her business sense, her understanding of people, and her work ethic made her successful.  She truly listens and watches.  I can’t remember a time that she ever interrupted me when I was speaking. This is a talent and something totally genuine about her.  I would guess that her skills in this area led to her success.  That and her honesty.

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She adventured in life.  She is the adventurer in pearls.  She traveled with her husband, she spent time with her family. My husband spent a lot of time with her in his youth and I am thankful for her influence on him.

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She is quite the competitor though too.  I saw this in her stories, in the way she lived her life, and in the way she related to others.  She always wanted to “give” the best.  She didn’t realize that she already did.  She gave me my mother-in-law.  She gave me my husband.  Through them my children, one of which is named after her.  Really maybe they both are.  The way she lived her life and her last name.

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I am so thankful for her example.  She showed me that I can be bold and beautiful.  Smart and humble.  Kind to others but care for oneself.  I want to be just like her when I am older.  Lucky for me I have my Mother-In-Law.  A lady rich in class and kindness.  One that I am so blessed to have and lucky to learn from.

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So to all you classy ol’ broads.  I know the best!  Take a lesson.

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