21 Steps the Podcast. For more information and to follow along follow me on Instagram or Facebook.
21 Steps the Podcast. For more information and to follow along follow me on Instagram or Facebook.
It has been ages since I have posted and I know that. I have been super busy doing that which I want to do most. Being a mom. What I hope is a really great mom.
I left behind a job, no a career, that I loved where I was doing something meaningful and great. It mattered. It mattered to me and it made a difference for others. I loved it.
I made the really hard (for me) choice to leave my job, that I loved, to be home with my kids. It wasn’t easy.
I soon found that I needed to make a living, and I needed to keep thinking and working. That was for me and I needed it. Luckily I found a way to do that. With that has come some great opportunities and I am so very thankful.
But today, something really great came along. Something that I wanted so much to be able to do, and I had to say “no”. It hurt. It made me wonder if I am still the amazing person that I once was. The one that I saw in my future when I was young. But I said no because it just wouldn’t work for me. It wouldn’t fit into the schedule of the times when I need to be there for my kids. After all, I did give up something great, and promised myself I was going to be even greater at my new undertaking…being a mom. So I made the hard choice. The choice to start where I am today everyday and bloom where I am planted, hoping that the opportunity arises again. And then I was reading this book that my mother in law sent me: I’ve Been Thinking by Maria Shriver and I found this quote. It helped. It helped a lot. Maybe…I can still be an amazing person that makes a huge difference in the world……at home…and then the world through them. Maybe, just maybe. So today that is my focus for me.
And for those who don’t live in a place with a “drop in daycare option” no siblings or parents near by, I hear you. It was such a small thing that if I had the option like that I could have done it. And if you have that option…please tell them thank you today. Realize what you have is truly a gift.
A Mothers’s Love
It’s not something that you see, they say, you’ll feel it in your heart
That may be true for some kinds of love but for some, that’s just the start
A Mother’s love is not the same as ordinary love
It’s a gift God gave to the babies when he sent them from above
I’m a mom myself, and so I know this to be true
But I also learned it from my mom in the things that she would do
Another great example of a Mother’s love to me
Is my sweet Aunt Rhea and her precious angel Nellie
I could feel that mother love as it flowed out from her soul
To that precious angel Nellie there’s no way she didn’t know
That mother she could show it though so even I could see
That mother loved her dolly and was as proud as she could be
It was in the way she spoke to her, or looked at her little girl
It was in the way she fixed her socks, or combed an unruly curl
It was how she understood her, no words did Nellie need
Her mother listened carefully with her heart and she could see
It was how gently that she moved her and helped her lay just right
It’s in the way she worried constantly and could hardly sleep at night
It’s in the way she fed her and always put her first
She was a mom, a friend, a companion and even was her nurse
She changed her life in such a way to make life better for them both
She always needed Nell to know that she always loved her most
She knew that Nell had favorite things and some she couldn’t stand
But one thing is for certain, Nell was part of the Casper band
She loved to play guitar, a tambourine, and sing aloud
So mother changed guitar strings, she smiled and was proud
Nell loved to roll wheels on cars and other things that rolled
So mother picked them up and down, it never did get old
This mother I’m sure felt lonely sometimes in a quiet home
But she loved her girl, bigger than the world, and never was alone
Our Nellie was so very loved, by all who knew her heart
But none was bigger, than the love, she earned right from the start
Her momma loved her, so very much it made me truly see
That a mother’s love is endless as a mothers’s love should be
And it’s strong enough, I think, that even when space is vast
Like heaven and earth and farther still a mothers’s love can last
This poem I wrote for my friend. A friend who shared with me a most beautiful love letter. A friend who has lost so much. A friend I love.
I think of my mother so much this time of year, and this is so true for her too and I thought of her too, very much, when I wrote it. Happy Mother’s Day mom. I sure love you!
Keeper of the Flame
I’m the keeper of the flame, your flame, you left it here in me
So in your great big steps before, like you, I’ll try to be
You’ve been gone so long it feels, and yet moments only it seems
But you visit me, you whisper to me, and I feel you in my dreams
It’s hard to make the world remember, and I worry they will forget
and how am I to share your stories with those, you never met?
I try so hard and sometimes fail the flame it flickers black
Then I stoke it with your love, and mine, and the flame comes quickly back
Often in my quiet moments the flame it burns so strong
So I hide, and hover, tears on my cheeks, knowing I must be strong
For to your ash I cannot turn, for others still need me
And all this need I have for you, is that not what God did see?
But I tuck your flame in close to my heart and weather the angry storm
For it’s there I need your warmth the most, It’s there the flame was born
You passed to me a love so great and gave the best pieces of you
I’m thankful for those, and the flame I bear, but I miss you and it’s heavy too
Now I’m left reflecting on this very flame and the legacy left behind
The obligation you left for me, although it sometimes feels unkind
I know I’m left to share your tales and help our family to see
The fire that you left behind will always burn in me
I hope your heart swells with joy, my gift to you each day
That I share with others when I can, the kindness you gave away
I hope you feel proud of who I’ve become since you left your fire with me
You walked here first, I follow now, like you I hope to be
I’m the keeper of the flame, your flame, I’ll keep it burning bright
For you, for them, and too often now because I need your light
My love for you will never go out and all will know your name
Because for you, I now know my place, I’m the keeper of the flame
This isn’t the place you would normally turn for exercise tips and advice, but I have a 2 day beach body plan for happiness to share..and it’s a goody!
I embarked on this journey with upcoming beach plans and I decided to spend 2 weeks doing all things healthy in preparation. I was so successful that I was able to condense the entire 2 week plan into just 2 days. That’s right folks…2 days.
At the end of day 2 I realized something. I wasn’t happy. I was grumpy to my kids and my husband and I just wasn’t in a good spot. After only 2 days of this. I can’t imagine what it would be like if that was my everyday. How very hard. I applaud those that are able to do so.
For me, I realize it is just as much about mental health as it is about physical health and it is just as big of a deal. I read something the other day, author unknown, that made me laugh. It said…”How to have a beach body… 1-Have a body 2- Go to the beach”
I’m going people…just as I am.
A couple of years ago I posted this article Getting Older in a Swimming Suit. Since that day I have done exactly what I said I would. I eat well (most of the time), I exercise, and I am strong. I have completed an Ironman 70.3, 2 half marathons, many team relays, completed T25 all the way through, I tried crossfit once, a full marathon, and literally climbed mountains. I can run up Guardsman’s Pass without walking (well I could probably walk faster than I ran but you get it). Have I changed physically….probably…does it show in my jeans….no…no it doesn’t but here is the real kicker…. The most recent half marathon that I ran I also ran over 11 years ago. In the best physical shape of my life. I was a mental wreck however trying to get back on my own two feet. What happened, I beat my time this year from when I ran 11 years ago. I’m faster. Can you believe that? It’s because I am healthier, mentally and physically. I have a strong support system and I am happy and content just where I am. I have a super strong beach body with plenty of nourishment to make sure I can live for a good week without food (or more probably). I enjoyed the run more too. I actually had fun. Last time, I felt miserable the whole time.
It only took me 2 days to realize that the body I have is exactly the body I want to take with me. I want to feel joy and be happy everyday, all day. Not just when I am in a swimming suit at the beach or posting photos of myself online. I don’t actually want to be super fit and in shape if it also comes with stress and anxiety that takes away from my joy.
So if you need a little support in loving yourself just as you are, or in allowing yourself to stop the stringent diet and exercise plan you are doing…I’m here. I can be that for you. My 2 day beach body plan for happiness is just what you need. Eat well, exercise, enjoy the little things and in the end…it will all be okay. Many conversations with friends and family who feel just this way, and their encouragement for me to write this down is what brought me to this point.
As Audrey Hepburn said, “The happiest girls are the prettiest.”
Did I fail at a 2 week challenge? No..I just did so well I completed it into 2 days. I can do hard things like that.
I have a body…I’ll go to the beach!
I just realized that I didn’t share this poem that I wrote for my Grandma Nina. She was one more great loss in the year 2015. Sure miss that lady. Her birthday just passed, and baseball is starting so I thought it would be a great time to check in.
Baseball in Heaven
I hope they have baseball in heaven
So she can stay up on her game
She’d talk about players their team and their stats
Their history, their strengths and their name
It’s hard to say who was her favorite team
Because it seemed the she loved them all
Whoever she talked to, their team was the best
And she knew them right down to each call
She watched every game no matter the team
No matter the time of day
New games, yes for sure, and old ones too
It didn’t matter, she’d watch them play
She’d talk and she’d laugh each time I’d stop by
About the latest call
I couldn’t remember the team or the game
But Grandma remembered them all
She was always so giving and always so kind
Her heart would show up on her sleeve
She was patient and caring and through all of this
A great blessing she gave to me
My Mary my step-mom this lady so kind
Who each day I am blessed to call mine
Was raised by this woman and it is in her
That I see how my grandma did shine
She passed on the traits of a person of strength
resilience and kindness shows through
She gave her the gift of love through it all
It’s the journey, and the kind things we do
She showed her that sometimes things will be hard
And unfair and not always kind
But by believing in good, and choosing what’s right
Love and happiness you will find
I’m thankful for her and for what she gave me
As selfish as maybe that seems
I wish I had more memories with her
As a child, or in my teens
All I have of her are as an adult
But I’m grateful for every one
She taught me to listen, and treasure the times
When family is together for fun
For it’s in those times that memories are made
And traditions are often begun
So embrace those moments and cherish the times
For it’s love that makes family one
So forgive and move on and be better still
Say a prayer and always be nice
And remember no matter the culture or time
Have sugar….but also have spice
My baseball loving grandma it’s finally your turn
I know you’ve been waiting so long
To return to the man in the frame on your desk
I know he’s waiting, arms open, in song
I hope that you know that you are so loved
and we will miss you every day
And I know we will see you, and it will be heard
“I love you,” that’s what I’ll say