Publishing a First Work

I have some very exciting news.  I have story that will be published in the Secrets and Doors anthology set to be released very soon.  It has been quite a journey for me and I have learned a lot.  If you are currently writing, or hoping to write and someday be published, trust me when I say it isn’t quite the way you imagined it would be.

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I always thought that the most difficult part was writing the book-all the way to the end.  When I finished my first book, I heard many times, “You wrote a book, how many people can say that they actually did that.”  The truth is, a lot.  There are so many stories out there just waiting to be published it is overwhelming.  The book market is incredibly competitive. I learned this very early on when I started to get serious about writing.

I have been writing for a few years now and finished my first full length novel in 2008.  I finished another novel a few years later and during that time, my family moved.  We moved to the back of the beautiful Wasatch Mountains.  I joined a writing group and met some wonderful people.  I have been very lucky because the authors in my group are more than just great writers, they are full of integrity.  As you begin writing you will find that trait is just as important as finding a mentor that can write a good book.  I look up to them and I am so lucky that I got to work on this project with them. Find them here: Lehua Parker, Christine Haggerty, and Angela Hartley.

I also learned that authors are their very own species.  Maybe it is artists in general, but surely authors.  Authors are creative minds with very sensitive souls.  When I first walked into the world I told myself that I wasn’t going to feel that way.  I was going to write because I loved it and not worry so much what others thought of me.  What I found, however, was that I am just another author.  As an author you are only as successful as the people who support you.

Thanks to the incredible group of people that I met, I learned so much and was able to submit my own story for the Secrets and Doors Anthology.  The process from there was a lot of work.  There is a lot of collaboration that goes into an anthology and I realized just how hard the leaders of our group work.  They spent hours marketing and selling, finding editors and options, while I, learning from the sidelines sent a few cheers while I worked over and over again with the editor, Callie Stoker, to make sure my story was just right.

I was on cloud nine.  Willing to put in the time and work hard.  Writing is hard work.  You need tough skin and a really big heart.  You also need a great support team.  I realized this when I received an email that asked to get a review of my story.

“No problem,” I thought.  “I have friends and family with blogs.  I know people.”  How disappointing it was for me to realize that when I posted and asked for a small amount of help, I was answered with crickets from all of my blogger friends.  Don’t feel bad for me, I did plenty of that for myself.  So much so, that my precious sidekicks, so in tune with feelings made me this incredible drawing of themselves “answering my blog.”

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I really do have a great support system, just most of them don’t blog or are already in the anthology so I strapped on my boots and did what I should have done to start with.  I asked a stranger.  Marketing 101 for a book, be brave, get out there, be willing to connect, and toot your own horn.  I did just that and found the wonderful Mandy Eve Barnett to read my story and write a review.  I will forever be grateful for her kindness and her ability to remind me that there really are great people in the world.  I sent my story off to her with my stomach full of nerves.

This is the moment I realized I was an author.  I had something special.  Something that mattered to me.  I shared my soul with the world. I was crushed when I felt a lack of support only to sit, waiting, stressed, scared to death and worried that I would get a bad review from someone who I never met.  Would my career as an author be over? Would my next book never see the light of day?

I took a breath.  I looked at my sidekicks and my husband with his thumbs up.  I called some family who said they had my back and I thought of my mom who would probably be more excited for me in this moment than I am for myself.  I moved on.  I read others blogs, supported some friends and family on other things and remembered that life goes on. I already have some pretty great things to look forward too.  Even if my reviewer hated the story, it was coming out anyway and this was a huge accomplishment.

I will let you see what Mandy thought of my story here:  http://mandyevebarnett.com/2015/02/05/meriann-boxall-short-story-anthology-review-5th-feb/ while you are there, follow her blog, send her a thank you, and vote her a 5 because she is an incredible person. She took a chance on me and will forever be in my circle of people who made a difference.  Additionally, this works out in my favor.  My story will be shared with many that it never would have been otherwise.  Had I have had a family member or friend help with my story, I would have reached the same crowd I would have anyway.  Things happen for a reason.

So as a first time author I would share that be prepared for a lot of hard work.  Know that just as any other job in the world, you are just one of many-learn to stand out.  Market yourself well with bravery.  Believe in your story and in yourself.  Learn from others, especially your mentors. They know what they are talking about and can help you along the way. Remember that your support may not be found in a blog post, but will be found in a letter from your sidekicks or those that took a chance on you to publish your book.

Don’t worry, I am over the disappointment I found early on. I am the lucky one to get to be one story of many that I share with some of the most incredible authors out there.  Make sure to grab our book.  The anthology proceeds will all be donated to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.  That is thanks to the great publisher Crimson Edge Publishing and all of the authors involved.  While you are at it, make sure to check out some of the other authors and buy their other books too.  They are good, honest, people and really great storytellers.

More about the Secrets and Doors:

Open the door and unlock the secrets in eleven short stories from The Secret Door Society, an organization of fantasy and science fiction authors dedicated to charitable work. All proceeds from this anthology benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation in their quest to cure Type One Diabetes (T1D).

In these pages you’ll discover a modern woman trapped in an old fashioned dreamscape, a futuristic temp worker who fights against her programming, a beautiful vampire’s secret mission disrupted by betrayal, a sorcerer’s epic battle against a water dragon, the source of magical mirrors—and more. There are tales for every science fiction and fantasy taste, including new works from award-winning authors Johnny Worthen, Lehua Parker, Christine Haggerty, and Adrienne Monson.

Join us in the fight against T1D as you peek into a world of magical and mysterious doorways—if you dare.

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Secrets and Doors Cover

I am so excited about this book, what it supports, and how it came together. The stories are wonderful and the cover is so beautiful! You know you want to pick that right off of the shelf!

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A closer look at the back cover:

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Open the door and unlock the secrets in eleven short stories from The Secret Door Society, an organization of fantasy and science fiction authors dedicated to charitable work. All proceeds from this anthology benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation in their quest to cure Type One Diabetes (T1D).

In these pages you’ll discover a modern woman trapped in an old-fashioned dreamscape, a futuristic temp worker who fights against her programming, a beautiful vampire’s secret mission disrupted by betrayal, a sorcerer’s epic battle against a water dragon, the source of magical mirrors—and more. There are tales for every science fiction and fantasy taste, including new works from award-winning authors Johnny Worthen, Lehua Parker, Christine Haggerty, and Adrienne Monson.

Join us in the fight against T1D as you peek into a world of magical and mysterious doorways—if you dare.

Make sure to order it today at Crimson Edge Publishing: http://crimsonedgepublishing.com/bookstore/

 

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Interview with Faun Jackson and Cover Reveal for Secrets and Doors

I had the privilege of speaking to Faun Jackson with Faund Images Photography about the cover design for the new Secrets and Doors Anthology, available at Crimson Edge Publishing.  Jackson has a lot of passion about art and books so cover design is a perfect fit for her.  Check out this cover and make sure to spend time looking at all of the special details that she added.

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So beautiful!  She is so talented and we were all so lucky to be able to work with her on this project.  Without further ado, allow me to introduce you to Faun Jackson.

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Can you tell us your journey to becoming an artist? What were your original inspirations? 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a pencil, crayons or paintbrush in my hand.  Even though I loved school, you could look at my notebooks in any given subject and find the doodles of the day.  Being from a small area, the high school that I attended didn’t even have an art teacher.  They actually had the PE teacher trying to teach art.  Needless to say, she had ME teach the class!  I was the Art Sterling Scholar and everything in my portfolio was completely done on my own with no instructor’s help.

I attended Utah State University, where I finally was able to take art classes from professors that were amazing!  The world opened up to me and I was excited about the possibilities!  I continued to work on my craft at Utah Valley University, working in the media department.  Using the first Macintosh computers I found a new passion in generating department flyers, illustrating their books and even designing a book cover.  I was asked to teach a class on computer graphics and later taught a continuing education class as well.   I worked for Stephen R. Covey designing instructional material. I also illustrated brochures for a craft company, a hot tub company and put together instructional books sold in craft stores.

As my family grew, some of those aspirations were put on hold for a time.  However, the entrepreneur in me, decided to paint on clothing and see if anyone would be interested in buying them.  I contracted with a store in Park City, Utah where they sold my shirts, as well as a store in Gardner Village.  One day, the owner of the Park City store made the comment “People love your shirts!  I have been asked several times why you spend your time painting on a shirt when you should be painting on walls!”  Up until then, I hadn’t even thought of that!  I immediately went to town on my own home walls… word spread and I was painting on other people’s walls before I knew what happened.  For years, I painted everything you can imagine on walls from Torrey to SLC.   Photography had always been a passion for me but when photo shop came into my life, it opened up a whole new creative outlet.  I have continued taking classes and experimenting with my ideas.  A few years ago, I heard the term “Fine Art Photography”.  I checked it out and was immediately hooked.

My inspiration comes from the place I call home and my family.  I have everything from high mountains, lakes, wooded areas to the red rock in the desert to inspire me.  My mind never shuts off and I create my most unique ideas at night when I SHOULD be sleeping!

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How did you become interested in illustrating or cover design for books?

I have worked in our local library for seventeen years and during that time, I have come to appreciate a great book cover design.  I also understand the importance of the book cover.  We all would like to think people don’t judge a book by its cover but in fact, many people do.  If the cover is intriguing to them or the title, they pick it up more quickly.  With my love of books and art, designing book covers seems to be a natural fit!

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The cover is beautiful.  Can you tell us more about how you came up with the idea and the process you used to design the cover?

Given the genre of the book, I knew I wanted my design to have a mysterious yet magical feel.   I knew I wanted a girl wearing a dress made of a specific type of fabric.  Luckily, I had recently photographed someone who met that criteria.  I approached the young woman and she was more than delighted at the prospect of being on a book cover!  It was important for me that the girl have long hair, so we waited for her to get hair extensions.  Then the search was on for the perfect door.  It all came together but there was a lot of editing to be done to get the image where I wanted it to be.  After the initial edit, I wanted the image to be more monochromatic so I turned her green dress purple and created a purple-ish hue over the entire photograph to give it the mysterious feel I was looking for.  I made her a bit ghostly, raised her eyebrows for more expression, pulled her dress out at the bottom and to finish it off, put the creepy hand in the window.  When I looked at the finished product, I knew if it were a book in my library, I WOULD indeed pick it up!

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Before and After

In addition to designing covers for books, I am sure you are very busy.  What are some other things that you do so we can get to know you better? 

Besides working at the library, I keep myself extremely busy doing photography of every kind.  I have worked on some fun editorial shoots with, Myriah Chestnut Deckard, a creative, fun woman from LA.  You can find some from that shoot here.

I continue being asked to paint on walls but have very little time for that any more.  My most recent mural was in a dentist office… a painting of a tooth fairy flying with a toothbrush in hand!

I  am a mother of four and a grandmother of four.  This is where true happiness lies!

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What are you reading right now and what are your favorite books? 

I am hoping that the current book I will be reading will be “Secrets & Doors”!

There are too many favorite books to mention but I’ll try and pick a few.  You could say that my family is full of Harry Potter nerds.  Everyone knows which house they belong to… that kind of nerdy!  I do love a good fantasy!  I enjoy many genres.  “The Help” and “The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society” are two of my favorite books.  As far as mysteries, I have been enjoying the Flavia De Luce series by Alan Bradley.  My favorite non-fiction book would have to be “Unbroken”.

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Is there a book that you wish you could have designed the cover for?

This is a more difficult question to answer! The novels of the Others (Written in Red, Murder of Crows, etc.) by Anne Bishop would be series that I would have loved to design the covers for.  They are pretty imaginative books and they would have been fun to be really creative with.

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Is there anything else that you would like to share with us?

The world of photography has changed so drastically over the past few years, opening up all kinds of creative possibilities.  Even though I do enjoy photographing people in a traditional fashion, my true love lies in creating images that look more like a piece of art, rather than merely a photograph.   I continue to re-invent myself so to speak, constantly taking courses that inspire me to reach the next level.  My goals for the future most definitely involve creating more book cover ideas as well as anything else that allows creativity…

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How do we find your art?

https://www.facebook.com/faundimages

http://faundimages.blogspot.com/

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The Secrets and Doors Anthology is now available for purchase at Crimson Edge Publishing: http://crimsonedgepublishing.com/bookstore/

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Winter Harvest Casserole

I have more exciting news coming soon, but for today, I thought I would share a recipe. We love food at our house and I just joined a recipe swap group which I am really excited about.

Today was Bountiful Baskets Day (Co-op fruit and veggies) so I looked at what we had and tried to come up with something.  I wanted to make sure it was loaded with nutrients, but I am a comfort food lover at heart, so I made a casserole.  I would like to say that it is a quick meal, but it is not.  It is time-consuming (probably and hour prep time), but it includes wine-so there’s that.  I hope you enjoy it as much as my family (especially my sidekicks) did.

Ingredients

1 Head cauliflower cut into small florets

6 Stalks of Celery sliced

2 large carrots sliced

5 small yellow potatoes sliced

6 TBLS Olive Oil

1 tsp Ground Mustard

1 tsp Kosher salt

¼ tsp pepper

4 cups chopped Chinese Cabbage

3 slices wheat bread cut into croutons

1 clove garlic, minced

 

Cheese Sauce

1/3 cup white wine

1 clove garlic, minced

2 cups milk

1 ½ TBLS Flour

1 tsp Kosher Salt

½ tsp pepper

2 cups Jack Cheese

 

Pre-heat oven to 475.  Chop and mix cauliflower, celery, carrots and potatoes in a large bowl.

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In a small bowl mix together 5 TBLS Olive Oil, Ground Mustard, Kosher salt, and pepper.

Toss chopped vegetables in oil mixture.  Lay flat on a large cookie sheet and bake 10-12 minutes.

While vegetables cook, put remaining 1 TBLS olive oil and clove garlic in saute pan. Then add chopped cabbage stirring often until tender.

In medium saucepan begin cheese sauce. Mix wine and garlic clove and bring to a boil.  Boil until 1 TBLS wine remains.  Add flour, then milk, salt and pepper.  Whisk until mixed, frothy and starting to thicken.  Add 2 cups cheese.

Put baked vegetables in a casserole dish, mix cabbage in with vegetables and cover with cheese sauce (I mixed in).

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Chop 3 slices of wheat bread and cover on top.

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Reduce heat to 375 and bake for 30 minutes or until bubbling and bread is browned and crisp.

Enjoy your nutrient rich, delicious side.  Casserole pairs great with chicken or fish and (looks around to find bottle of white wine empty) a bottle glass of Merlot.

Then pat yourself on the back because you are eating a diverse and healthy dish.  Even the grapes in the wine count right?  That’s fruit. Happy Winter Harvest.

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Myths About Marijuana

After watching 60 minutes and many other shows on the issues now taking placing in Colorado after the legalization of Marijuana I thought about the article that my Mother once wrote about the issue. So intelligent and wise-here is a guest post from my mom.  Thanks Lucy!

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Drug use in America continues to increase among pre-teens, teens and young adults.  Despite major efforts from law enforcement and drug task forces, substances of misuse are available to anyone seeking them and too many others caught in casual situations who are encouraged to experiment.  Marijuana remains the most commonly used illicit drug in the country.  More than 1.2 million Americans ages 12 and over participated in substance use treatment for marijuana in 2006, making it the second most prevalent substance of concern behind alcohol.  The percentage of Americans seeking treatment for marijuana use more than doubled from 1993-2005.

Young people who use marijuana or alcohol tend to be more prone to denial, justification and rationalization than users of ‘harder” drugs such as cocaine, heroin and methamphetamines.    There are many individuals who have smoked without experiencing significant consequences, because many of marijuana’s effects develop gradually and are therefore difficult to recognize, and because societal attitudes toward marijuana are ambivalent.

Some individuals adhere to beliefs about marijuana use that make it more difficult for them to recognize the harmful impact of use on their lives.  Below are discussed four myths concerning marijuana and it’s use that will assist parents to generate in their children critical thinking concerning about the choice to use in discussions with their children.

Myth#1:  Marijuana is all natural; therefore it is safe and healthy to smoke it. (“God put it on the earth for a reason.’  “It grows in nature, so it’s fine.”)  Today’s marijuana is not the same substance as the plant that grew indigenously in nature.  The main psychoactive ingredient in marijuana is delta 9 tetrahydrocannabinol (THC).  The average THC content in seized street marijuana more than doubled in 14 years, increasing from under 4% in 1983 to 9.6% in 2007.  This increase is attributed to decades of cross breeding and cultivation techniques used by people intending to synthesize a more potent substance.

The belief that marijuana is healthy because it grows in nature presupposes two ideas:

If something grows in nature then it must be healthy.  Using this logic, one could argue that rubbing poison ivy on one’s skin or eating poisonous mushrooms is healthy.  In truth, some things in nature are healthy for consumption while others are not.

Plants that grow in nature were intended to be smoked by humans.  If marijuana exists for some cosmic purpose, that doesn’t necessarily mean it was intended to be smoked.  Perhaps human beings weren’t designed to smoke anything, since inhalation of smoke is a tissue irritant that is initially rejected by the body.  Tobacco, opium and coca all occur in nature, but I have encountered few marijuana users who believe that smoking those substances is healthy.  Historically, marijuana has been used for other purposes (e.g. rope, clothing, mats, fishnets and oils).

 

Myth#2:  Marijuana is harmless.  (“No one dies from it.”  “It never hurt anyone.”)  There is an element of truth in this belief, given the lack of strong evidence that marijuana use causes fatal overdose.  However, overdose is just one way in which substance use can be fatal.  In the 2002 Drug Abuse Warning Network (DAWN) report, marijuana was the only substance involved in 2 overdoses, 35 deaths and 69 other drug-related deaths.  A national estimate of deaths associated with marijuana only is 581, but that figure might be low as some metropolitan areas do not include marijuana in toxicology tests and others do not report any toxicology results.  This number also excludes any deaths in which any substance besides marijuana was also detected.

Recent advances in technology have allowed scientists to unlock some of the mysteries of the brain.  THC molecules bind to receptor sites in areas of the brain responsible for the regulation of the functions found to be adversely affected by marijuana use, giving us an explanation for how marijuana does what it does.

For example, marijuana use can cause significant impairment when a person drives a vehicle or operates machinery, which undoubtedly poses a risk for accidents, legal problems and fatality.  Chronic use has been linked to cancers, respiratory ailments and immune system malfunction.  Marijuana causes sleep stage irregularities, affecting memory, immunologic functioning and subjective well-being.  Marijuana-related memory impairment can have vocational and educational implications.  Chronic use has been linked to reproductive impairment.  Young people with Axis I conditions (e.g. ADHD, bipolar disorder, psychotic disorders) are prone to self-medicating with marijuana, but use can exacerbate their symptoms.

Some teens used marijuana extensively during the pivotal developmental stage of adolescence.  They self-medicated with marijuana when they experienced aversive emotional states, whereas their non-using peers were developing healthier coping strategies.  Impairment emotional regulation and amotivational syndrome are often the results.  Having trained their minds to depend on foreign substance to achieve homeostasis, these individuals are left with few coping tools after they abstain.  Some individuals would consider prison, unemployment and even death as viable alternatives to life without marijuana.  Knowing the potential negative consequences of marijuana use might help clients make more informed decisions about use, abstinence and recovery.

Myth#3:  Most people smoke marijuana.  (Everybody does it.”  “You can’t tell me you haven’t.”)  Slightly greater than half of young Americans have tried marijuana at least once.  Findings from the 2007 Monitoring the Future Survey suggests that 42% of all 12th graders have used marijuana at least once, 32% have used in the last year, and 19% have used within the last month.  Findings from 2006 suggested that 57% of Americans ages 19 to 30 had tried the substance at least once in their lives, 26.5% had used in the last year and 14.9% within the last month.  However, most Americans do not continue to use the substance or use it regularly, as is the case with the typical client in treatment.  If it were true that most Americans used regularly, that would not prove that marijuana use was harmless for all people.  Nonetheless, individuals who present with cannabis-related disorders might be prone to rationalizing their use based on a belief that ‘everyone is doing it,” whereas knowing that abstinence is not atypical might be encouraging for some individuals who choose not to use.

Myth#4:  Marijuana makes you creative.  (“It expands your awareness.”  “It opens you up to new possibilities.’)  Some people think that marijuana use could enhance creativity given its enhancement of the senses and subjective nature of the concept of creativity.   However, when defined as divergent thinking, creativity is not enhanced by occasional use of marijuana and is diminished with regular use.  In a series of experiments in 1960s and 70s, participants evaluated their work as more creative when they were high than when they were abstinent, suggesting that people think themselves to be more creative only when experiencing euphoria.  Clients who value their creative works are encouraged by the fact that many successful artists are abstinent or in recovery, fueling confidence that one can be creative simply by using one’s natural abilities.

As parents it is important to be informed and have the answers to arguments before they arise.  An informed parent is credible and it is difficult for a child to argue with the facts.  Sharing opinions, values and beliefs is also an important part of parenting.  Have the conversations, someone will be, make sure you add your voice.

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In Honor Of Law Enforcement Appreciation Day

Today is Law Enforcement Appreciation Day.  It has been quite a year for law enforcement officers and unfortunately the negativity is continuing. We are currently on pace to lose an average of 1 officer per day in 2015.  It’s sickening and we need to make big changes.  In honor of the 118 officers lost in the line of duty in 2014 I am committing with my family to complete 118 miles of activities in their honor.  This includes running, biking, swimming, walking, rowing etc.  We are all doing it together.  I challenge you to do the same.  We are late into January so this month may not be enough time, but keep going and complete the miles in honor of the fallen.  Sidekick 1 wanted to participate so she helped kick it off with a mile of her own.  She named the officers that she knows and loves throughout the run.  We #runforthecops #runfortheblue #118for2014 #policelivesmatter #alllivesmatter #weseeyou.  I would love to hear your participation in this as well by using the hashtags on social media.

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I would like to take credit for this idea, however, it actually started with a 13-year-old girl.  Here is her go fund me page where she is hoping to donate $100 per officer for ballistic vests for current officers.  It’s a wonderful cause and you should check it out. http://www.gofundme.com/jkoro0

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I am so thankful to the men and women in law enforcement who put their life on the line everyday to keep my family safe.  I am thankful for their sacrifice, their tough skin, and their commitment.

I am also worried, everyday.  The risk is so high right now.  So although I think the above cause is a great one, I wish that those vests weren’t needed.  If you want to make a real difference I encourage you to donate to the following causes.  It would be better if we could remove the situations all together that put our officers in danger.  I would love to see a focus on changing mental health support, and drug treatment options take as much as a focus by the nay-sayers as the training of officers.  Here are some organizations to look into.

This is appreciation and support.  This is a way to make a change and better the lives of not only the officers but our community as a whole.

I have personally seen the success of Wilderness Therapy Programs for addiction treatment.  I would encourage you to familiarize yourself with the practice here: http://www.obhcouncil.com/ and donate to an organization committed to helping make these treatment options more affordable: http://loafund.org/.  If this doesn’t interest you-find one of your own.

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Then step on over and spend time researching and donating to mental health, where you can select and help in your own state at: http://www.nami.org/

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Jump over now and check out youth support organizations like the Boys and Girls Clubs of America at http://www.bgca.org/

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Let me know what you do in the comments below.  I would love to see some changes being made and if you have more ideas or ways to support, share those too.  If nothing else, wear blue today and tell an officer that you appreciate their service.  It will make a difference in their day and show them that the silent majority still supports them.

For the others:

“You go ahead and sit back in your comfortable chair and you be the critic, you be the observer, while the brave one gets in the ring and engages and gets bloody and gets dirty and fails over and over and over again, but yet isn’t afraid and isn’t timid and lives life in a bold way.”
Diana Nyad paraphrasing Theodore Roosevelt

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Cowboy Christmas

Cowboy Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and in our small town

For Christmas Eve groceries-there are none to be found

All citizens are celebrating at the town hall

In looking around-I’m related to them all

It’s a family affair to celebrate this day

But wait, an outsider who showed them the way?

They came in so quietly in their fur covered shoes

With a scarf, long coat and some clear colored booze

We all said hello and welcomed her here

But inside we were wondering why she stole the cheer

She sat in the corner and made some small talk

Then asked where tomorrow she could go for a walk

We all looked in awe at this city lady

No walking on Christmas, that’s a day to be lazy

The night ended quickly and we returned to our beds

Waiting for Santa-our scriptures we read

We said thanks to Jesus for all that he did

Then in anticipation, we tucked in each kid

It was early the next morning as I flew out of bed

Not lazy this morning, there are cows to be fed

I rushed to the field with barely a light

After-all, when work starts it’s really still night

Eyes to the sky I watched with such glee

Waiting for Santa, hoping to see

But instead of a sleigh across the bright sky

It was the city slicker walking-boots knee-high

She waved at me, jolly, from across the way

I tipped my hat, “good morning” it’d say

She stood there, just staring, watching me work

I just kept on moving, she’d think me a jerk

Then out of her bag a camera did appear

Then flashes and clicks the cows ran in fear

I simply smiled but inside I did not

She wants a show-then a show I have got

So I reached my hand all covered in muck

And scratched my own butt and made sure some stuck

I let one fly so loud and so long

Then added a burp it was almost a song

Then placing my finger a side of my nose

I breathed in deep and then let out a blow

Snot went a flying so straight and so true

I was not photographic and now she knew

The look on her face was not that of joy

So off she went walking with her silly camera toy

I finished my chores and returned to my home

To spend a few minutes with my family alone

Santa had been here, I hadn’t seen a thing

But I guess that’s okay for gifts he did bring

The children will play with their toys in a while

Outside in the snow, the mud and hay pile

Friends will come from all over the town

Asking, “what did you get?” not a frown to be found

We’ll invite our new friend to join us for chow

She’s an outsider, true, but she’s one of us now

One of many reasons to live in this place

With mountains and valleys and lots of real space

The kids will wake up and their smiles I’ll see

Then back to the field is where I will be

It’s a slow day that’s true I’m taking some time

But the cows and that field, the responsibility’s mine

Coffee in hand the kids start to rise

I can’t wait to see the joy in their eyes

I look out the window, and a light flashes from sight.

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night”

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Dear Me

Dear Much Older, Much Wiser Me:

If the advice I am often given and the articles I am reading are correct, then you are looking back on our life and wishing you would have done at least a few things differently.  You are wishing you would have let more things go.  You would have let the floors hold just a little more dirt while you sat right in the middle playing cars with your kids.  You would have chosen not to take that extra job so instead of being in front of the computer, you could instead be reading a book to your sidekicks.  You would have done with a little less stuff and instead spent a little more time.  You would have yelled less and hugged more.  After-all, the time went so quickly, you would have embraced every moment.  You are probably looking at your life wondering if you could have done better.  Wondering if you failed.  Wondering why you didn’t try harder.

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Just in case that’s you, I want to tell you just a few things.

You feel the same way now.  At the end of every day you reflect and wish you would have done more.  You wish you would have spent more time with the kids.  You are worried you are doing it all wrong and that you are screwing it all up.  You worry that every time you yell, you are doing damaging harm.  You worry that every time you shoo your sidekicks away as you take an important call that you are wasting precious moments.  Especially on those days when you had one thing after another and didn’t get even a smidgen of a chance to really focus and play, those days you really feel it.  Then you worry that maybe you are focusing too much on your kids and not enough on your husband who you also love very much and who is working just as hard as you, and then wait, are you enabling your children too much?

You don’t get enough sleep.  You have so much to do.  Especially in December when you are trying so hard to get things right.  For no other reason than that you want to see your sidekicks smile.  It’s fun, but it’s exhausting. I think as you are looking back you are forgetting just how tired you are.  That down time, the alone time you feel you have too much of now, you didn’t have enough then.  I promise.

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I just finished folding laundry and cleaning the house today.  I know you think maybe I should let it go a little more and spend a little more time, but I worry about the little buggers that are ours.  They can’t live in filth.  What about the lesson about appreciating the things we work for?  I’m teaching them that, so hopefully you don’t have to bail them out in the future because they never learned.

I make sure they eat healthy, most of the time, and worry about me to.  Not because I really worry about me, but because I am worried about you.  I hope you are healthy and happy.  I hope instead of wishing you would have spent more time just living it up, you feel gratitude that at least a small focus was on health and wellness.

I know you are thinking that you wish you would have worked a little less, you did want to be home with the kids right?  But here’s the thing.  I worry about you too.  I don’t want you to have all the stress of catch up.  You are sitting there (I hope) not in a financial pinch, but instead living comfortably.  I did that for you, while raising our kids and keeping the home.  Of course not alone, our husband did that too, but we tried to do our part.  Remember that next time you wish you would have done it differently.

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Our kids laugh, you laugh.  You love being a mom more than anything.  They are incredible souls that are so amazing.  Life is really, really great.  You are happy and enjoying it, right now in the moment.  You are embracing it and feeling joy and pride at what you are accomplishing every day.  You despise the articles that make you feel guilty and then hold them close to your heart just trying to embrace them too.  It’s a very awkward (but totally fun and thrilling) dance.

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But sometimes you still yell, but only after speaking at least twice.  It’s trying after-all.  The kids leave messes.  They throw things.  They spill juice. They break things.  They fight with each other. They go out the doggie-door. They throw eggs.  They pull your hair.  They ask you the same damn question 62 times in a row. They dump crackers on the bed. They color on the walls.  They hate sleeping. They cry and throw fits. They puke and they poop.  They wake you up at night just because they can. They push your buttons.  All on purpose.  All at the same time.  They act differently for Grandma.  Oh, and you’re tired, frustrated, and wishing you were doing better.  So you yell and immediately feel bad.  Then you dance in the kitchen with your sidekicks, play chase, and eat popcorn (and drink wine) because it’s fun and they  (you) deserve it.

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Trust me when I say, what you are feeling, so am I.  I am doing the very best I can to be a woman who will make you proud.  I don’t want you to look back and wish I would have done better.  But just in case you are, here’s a little note to assure you that I wish I could do better too, but I am honestly, completely doing the very best that I can every day.  I love our sidekicks and our husband too.  FYI…I also love you.

From a younger, only a little wise,

Me

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Heroes

I have been watching the news of Michael Brown and the Ferguson Police Department for the past two days.  I have seen so much hatred.  I then pull up social media and find so much of the same on the feed.  I thought of remaining quiet, but I can’t.

Where does this hatred for all of our police officers come from?  Are we so naive to think that the only actions our officers take are those that make the front page of the media?  Do we forget what they do everyday?

Not long ago I wrote this.  It is so disheartening to see the lack of support for those who give so much to our community.  It appears that as a community we only want the police when we need the police.  Does that mean that because you are not in a time of need that someone else is not?  We all know that the rate of violent crimes are increasing nationwide. We also know that the number of police officers being shot or ambushed is also on the rise.  Does that not mean that officers also need to increase their level of self-preservation?  I wonder if we asked Officer’s Johnson’s family their thoughts what they might say?

Instead we respond with, hate, rioting, stealing from the innocent, public negative posts about the whole-whose members hope to protect us.

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When you are running away from a situation, they are running in.  How many guns or weapons do you encounter on your job in a given day? How many people threaten to kill you, or hit you?  How many people per day say, “I hate you scum pig?”  If this happened everyday would you go back to work?  When you saw that same name calling, hating citizen in the street bleeding, would you then run to give aid?  The police officer does.  Everyday the police officer does.

Please don’t think that these situations don’t add up.  Don’t think that the officers involved in job related shootings aren’t going home wishing that instead they would have had a day off.  They were called there, to the scene by you or me.  They didn’t pick to go, someone said “help me.” It is so incredibly sad that a young man lost his life. There were decisions on both sides that led to that.  In every shooting situation there is a sad outcome with many stories.  You may say that some officers are bad.  That may be the case, but certainly not all.  Some teachers are bad. Some electricians are bad.  Some contractors are bad. Does that make them all bad?

If you hate the police I can make a simple educated assumption that the reason is that you have had a negative interaction i.e. you were breaking the law and/or guilty of breaking the law and/or wanting to break the law and/or hiding something.  Right?  These officers are there to keep the peace, to protect us, to walk in when we run out.  These officers are good and they do good and deserve respect as a whole.  Anger at one officer should not be portrayed to all.

I hope that the day does not come when you “need” an officer. I hope that the time does not force you to respect and support. I know I will never change someones opinion or thoughts but I hope as you think of these things that maybe you start to change yourself.  Put your energy of hate and asking for change instead to the abused child, instead to the schools who need support to keep weapons out of their doors, instead to stopping the drugs that are finding themselves in elementary school kid’s hands.

Thank you to the good officers out there.  To the ones who continue to go to work everyday to protect me and my family. Go home safe to your family!

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The (hi)Story of My Tattoo

I didn’t think I would ever have a tattoo.  The very thought scared me.  Once I planned to get one and pulled my sisters along for support only to leave the tattoo parlor without a tattoo while my support system each left with one.  I just wasn’t ready.

But then….my mom died and the thought of a tattoo in her honor started to make sense.

I am not sure what my hesitation was, maybe the fact that I was told my whole life that they were “wrong”, or maybe that I was worried I would be judged as a rebel or bad person, or maybe it was the permanency.  Probably all of that together.  Slowly though, my hesitation started to pass and I thought of a tattoo more and more and the fear of judgment less and less.

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In my typical approach to most things in life I started to do my research.  Where did the idea of a tattoo really come from?  Why is it considered such a rebellious culture? Here is what I found.

Tattoos have been found on mummies over 8000 years old. The tattoos helped historians as they worked to identify where the mummy actually came from.  They were able to identify consistencies in the tattoos to place a specific mummy with a group of his own.  Even older there have been statues and even possible tattoo tools that point to an even earlier beginning.

The word Tattoo comes from 1776 Tahiti where islanders “painted” their bodies and returning English travelers brought the word and the permanent ink back with them.  The Art of Tattooing found itself in the Victorian High Society.

Tattooing continued through history, sometimes revered and at other times considered “risky” or “rebellious” behavior.  It continued strongly within travelers, researchers, and military as representations of where they had been, what they had done, and who they were.  Sailors often were tattooed with an anchor to represent their time at sea.  Crusaders were tattooed with a cross in order to ensure they were returned home and given a proper burial.  This was consistent with other warriors, fighters and travelers throughout time.

The negative history is also there too.  Although the Biblical reference is not originally for the tattoos as they are today-there are many dark stories.  Throughout history many groups have had tattoos forced upon them, most memorably Nazi Concentration camps.   The numbers were used as the identification for the wearer.  As negative as this history is, many survivors now wear their tattoos as a badge of honor and strength.  Family member descendents have even been noted to copy the number upon their own body as a show of support, strength , and honor.

The common thread through time is that tattoos show where a person belongs.

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I know where I belong.  I feel it in my heart.  I know my family and my history.  I am now the mother of my own family that will continue to grow and move down the line.

I can hug my father, can hold his hand and feel that connection. The world can see where I come from as my father and I stand side by side.  But,  as I reach to the other side for my mother-I find myself flailing.  I needed that connection. It was for me.

My sisters and I made a plan.  We found the best tattoo artist,  and sent a few things over.  The necklace she had given us prior to her passing-angel wings.  The colors from a card she has sent that told us we mattered.  Most importantly, a copy of her writing saying “I love you, Mom.”  He placed them, perfectly on our shoulders and we now have this common mark.  A description of where we come from.  Of who we are.

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If you ever consider a tattoo, I wouldn’t advise you to take the approach I did.  It really is just a  tattoo.  If you want one, do it.  If not, don’t.

As my Tattoo Artist said, “Every Tattoo is a story-a memory. Even the bad ones.”

I wish I had more memories with my mom-years more.  I miss her everyday.

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That is my tattoo story.  Every one has one.  I am reminded of this more and more as I look at others and their stories upon their skin.

For you mom.  I love you too!

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